


Lost Without Your Love

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tetsurou is ten when he finds out about it. His arranged marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Without Your Love

“Kenma!” Tetsurou shouts out as his little feet thud against the wooden deck. Kenma is off hiding again, as he usually does when other people’s presence becomes too overwhelming. Tetsurou knows calling out for Kenma loudly will only make him shrink more into his hiding place, but he can’t help but worry.

“Tetsurou, come back here!” his mother says. He ignores her, though. Kenma is more important than some strangers his mother wants him to meet.

“Kuro,” he hears. It’s a soft, familiar voice that whispers from under the deck.

Tetsurou falls to his knees at the edge, leaning over and peering upside-down underneath the deck to see Kenma, curled up with his arms around his legs. He can instantly tell that Kenma needs him. Tetsurou stands up to jump onto the grass below, crawling down underneath the deck.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I don’t know those people,” says Kenma. He looks vulnerable, and the only times he allows himself to look so small is around Tetsurou.

Tetsurou pulls Kenma into a hug, wrapping his arms around his best friend, hoping to chase away his fears. Even though he’s comforted Kenma several times in the past, seeing Kenma like this still makes his heart hurt painfully and a bundle of anxiety grow deep within him.

“Me neither,” he says, petting Kenma’s hair. It’s gotten longer. “I bet they eat their boogers.”

“Kuro, that’s not nice,” Kenma scolds quietly. He’s always so worried about what people think, but Tetsurou, being the opposite, says whatever he wants about other people around Kenma.

“It’s gotta be true,” Tetsurou says. “Did you see that old man? His nose was so big! I bet he can fit an entire fish up there.”

Kenma doesn’t say anything, just snuggles his face deeper into Tetsurou’s chest.

“Don’t get me started on his daughter. Lame!” Tetsurou whispers. He knows he’s being unfairly mean, but he doesn’t feel guilt at the moment. What matters right now is making Kenma feel better.

“You’re awful,” Kenma says. He shakes his head against Tetsurou’s collarbone, his small hands clutching at his jinbei.

“I know. But now you don’t take them so seriously, do you?” Tetsurou grins down at Kenma, who peeks up and immediately rolls his eyes.

Tetsurou’s mother finds them like that, curled up underneath the deck and cuddling. She shakes her head at them, sighing, but there’s a small smile on her face. She gets someone to deliver a message to Kenma’s family that Kenma will be sleeping over tonight.

* * *

 

There are boys in the neighbourhood that don’t like Tetsurou. Sometimes, when Tetsurou is outside enjoying the fresh air, they’ll swagger up to him and tease him. Naturally, he’ll sass them back. However, that usually leads to violence.

“Stupid rich kid! I bet your mommy wipes your ass for you!” one of them spits in his face. There’s three of them, all looking malicious and angry. 

Tetsurou wipes the spit off the side of his face. “Gross.”

“Huh? Did you just call me gross?”

“I think he just called you gross, Masao.”

Masao kicks up dirt at Tetsurou with his geta, shooting spit into his face even more, yelling incoherent insults at him. Tetsurou tries to punch him, but the two other boys hold him back.

“ _ Stuuuupid! _ Stupid, filthy rich kid!” Masao shrieks at the top of his lungs.

Not a very wise choice, Tetsurou thinks vaguely as he closes his eyes to protect them from the dirt being flung at him. He fights against the two other boys, but two of them is too much. They keep him pinned down, not giving him a chance to retaliate.

“L-l-leave him al-alone!” a squeaky, scared voice shouts at them. Tetsurou recognizes it instantly. How could he not?

Kenma is a stuttering, trembling mess from where he stands at the gates of Tetsurou’s house. There’s a determined look in his eye, though; a certain protectiveness that comes forth around Tetsurou, and sometimes around cats.

“And what are you gonna do about it, kid?” Masao grunts. He’s not that much bigger than Kenma, though.

“Leave him alone,” Kenma repeats, this time more firmly. Tetsurou can see his small fists shaking.

“Go away, wimp. Or else you’ll end up as dirty as this worthless--”

“Leave him alone!” Kenma screams. His head is bowed forward, black hair covering his face. Tetsurou’s heart is seized in his chest as he watches Kenma shake like a leaf.

Taking Kenma’s scream as a distraction, Tetsurou quickly yanks his arms from the two boys’ grips and launches himself at Masao. He delivers the best punch he can with his fist, and effectively knocks blood out of Masao’s nose.

Masao screeches, clutching his nose. His friends dart to his side, asking if he’s okay. Masao does nothing but cry, though, sobbing even harder when he pulls his hands back and sees blood.

“Y-you’ll pay for this, filthy rich kids!” And just like that, the three bullies are gone.

“Thanks,” Tetsurou says, brushing the dirt off his jinbei. He walks over to Kenma and embraces him, running his hands up and down Kenma’s spine, trying to calm the trembling. “You were really brave.”

“I didn’t feel like it,” Kenma says, burying his head into Tetsurou’s shoulder.

“Kenma, you were so brave,” Tetsurou whispers, his hand coming up to stroke Kenma’s hair. “Thank you. Who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t come.”

“They’re just pathetic,” Kenma mutters darkly. Tetsurou finds it comforting, though.

“Come on, let’s go take a bath together, ‘kay?”

* * *

 

Tetsurou is ten when he finds out about it. His arranged marriage. He expected an arranged marriage, sure, but wasn’t he a little young for his partner to be chosen already?

“Who is it?” Tetsurou asks, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar, brows furrowed.

“Don’t give me that look, Tetsurou,” his mother says, taking a sip from her tea. “You won’t hate them.”

“Of course I will!” Tetsurou shouts, banging his fists against the table in a fit of brattiness. “I don’t wanna marry them! I don’t wanna! I bet I’ll hate their guts! A terrible wife, they’ll be!”

“Tetsurou, calm down,” his mother sighs. “You’re not going to have a wife.”

Tetsurou pauses and blinks up owlishly at his mother, tilting his head to the side questioningly.

“I talked with Kenma-kun’s family,” says his mother, taking a long sip from her tea and holding Tetsurou in suspense. “You’ll marry Kenma-kun when he turns eighteen. It’s not so bad being married to your best friend, is it?”

Tetsurou immediately brightens up, face stretching with how big his smile is.

“Yay!” he hollers, jumping up and down. “I get to marry Kenma!”

His mother smiles fondly at him. 

“Don’t tell him yet, though, okay?” she says. She holds a finger up to her mouth and winks at him. “He’ll find out on his seventeenth birthday.”

Tetsurou pouts, but agrees. He’s so excited to marry Kenma. That means they can be together forever, and no one, not even Masao, can get in the way of that.

* * *

 

They’re thirteen and fourteen when it almost slips out of Tetsurou’s mouth. They’re hanging out on Kenma’s front porch, picking at grass and trying to make noises with it. The day is peaceful, and Tetsurou feels at home here with Kenma. Of course, this house will also be his second home in the future.

“Hey, Kenma?” he asks before blowing on a string of grass, trying to make a high-pitched sound, but to no avail.

“Mmm?”

“We’re gonna be together forever, right?”

Kenma nods. His black hair cascades around his face, as it always does. Tetsurou feels the urge to reach out his hand and tuck it back. He refrains, though, because they can do that kind of stuff when they’re married.

“Why do you ask?” says Kenma, looking up a moment later, golden eyes blinking up at Tetsurou.

“Because what if you get bored of me?” Tetsurou says. He’s worried about it before, thought about what would happen if Kenma moved on from him before they got married. Would it be an unhappy marriage for Kenma? Tetsurou didn’t want that.

Kenma shakes his head. “I won’t get tired of you, Kuro.”

“You sure?”

“Mhmm,” Kenma hums in confirmation. He then grabs a handful of grass and sprinkles it over Tetsurou’s head.

Tetsurou laughs and bats the grass out of his already messy hair. He knows he’s in love with Kenma--he could never deny that--and times like these, where they take comfort in each other’s little words and presence, are what he looks forward to the moment he wakes up. It’s times like these that he knows that Kenma is gently smiling, even if his face is deadpan. It’s obvious in the way his voice gets softer, and his speech is lighter, but maybe it’s only obvious to Tetsurou. He loves it.

“I’m so glad we’re gonna--” Tetsurou cuts himself off. He nearly spilled about their arranged marriage early.

‘Gonna what?” Kenma asks.

“Gonna...play with these paper balloons, right?” Tetsurou quickly holds up two paper balloons the size of his hands, one red and the other gold. “I brought them over so we could play with them, y’know.”

They play for hours, until the sun is setting and one of Tetsurou’s servants has to drag him home.

Laying on his futon at night, Tetsurou thinks of Kenma, and what would’ve happened if he’d let himself slip up. How would Kenma react? Would he be as excited as Tetsurou at the idea of marriage? Would he be disgusted at the prospect of marrying his best friend? Of marrying Tetsurou?

He’s never thought of it before, but now he feels sick to his stomach. Oh, god, what if Kenma didn’t want to get to married? Of course, if Kenma didn’t feel the way for Tetsurou as Tetsurou felt for him, he wouldn’t force him to do anything. For Kenma, Tetsurou would keep their marriage strictly platonic, even if he wanted romance and sex and a family. It didn’t matter what Tetsurou wanted. If Kenma was unhappy in their marriage, then he’d do whatever it would take to break off the marriage.

The thought still hurts his heart, though. It’s not so different from when he sees Kenma sad, but miles different from when he sees Kenma smile and his heart stutters painfully. He doesn’t want to be selfish, doesn’t want a one-sided marriage with an upset Kenma.

Kenma matters more than what Tetsurou wants.

* * *

 

“I swear you love cats more than you love me,” Tetsurou says when he’s sixteen. He’s three years away from marrying Kenma.

Kenma, petting a pure white cat, simply mumbles, “Are you jealous?”

“Of course,” says Tetsurou. “My best friend prefers cats over me.”

“You like cats, too,” Kenma brings up, letting the cat nibble at his fingers. He has a gentle expression on his face that Tetsurou absolutely loves.

“And,” Kenma starts, but mutters the rest of the sentence. 

“What?” Tetsurou asks.

“I prefer you over cats,” Kenma says quietly, almost inaudibly. 

Tetsurou’s heart skips a beat painfully. It might not sound like a lot to others, but to Tetsurou, it carries the same weight as a love confession, albeit not being romantic. He knows he means a lot to Kenma, and vice versa, but Kenma admitting it aloud is something he hasn’t done in a long time.

“You’re fucking adorable,” Tetsurou says seriously.

“I take it back.”

“Noo!” Tetsurou whines. “Don’t take it back; you love me!”

“I love the cat.”

“Kenma!”

* * *

 

Tetsurou is seventeen when Kenma gets himself a video game. They’re both not allowed around electronics, coming from more traditional families, but Kenma found one lying around in town and stole it. Tetsurou scolded him for stealing, but soon they both became transfixed with the game.

“How do you play?” Tetsurou asks him.

“I don’t know,” Kenma says. “I’ll figure it out, though.”

Kenma does figure it out, after a few minutes of button mashing. Tetsurou doesn’t know the game they’re playing, but the handheld says “Game Boy” on it. In the game, Kenma plays the previous owner’s data, whose team of pocket monsters doesn’t seem to be very strong.

They play until sundown. It’s mostly Kenma playing, and Tetsurou watching, but Tetsurou is content with it that way. Just being around Kenma is more than enough. 

They hide the game device in Tetsurou’s haori when they hear footsteps, Kenma hurriedly tucking it underneath. Tetsurou blushes at the contact, but doesn’t say anything. One of Kenma’s servants is there to take him home, and before he leaves, Kenma tells Tetsurou to take good care of the Game Boy. So there he is, a device under his black haori and a blush on his face.

He goes inside, making sure to keep the Game Boy out of sight. Once in his room, he takes out the Game Boy and holds it close. Kenma hadn’t turned it off when he left. It sits in Tetsurou’s palms, still playing its merry little jingle and displaying flashing graphics. Tetsurou doesn’t know how to turn it off, or how to put the volume low.

Soon, though, he discovers that he can snap the Game Boy shut, and nothing will happen to the game. The music stops when he does this, and rings up again when he opens it. He keeps it closed for the night, occasionally glancing at it from his futon. 

Tetsurou has only ever caught glimpses of technology before. He knows that outside there is a whole world that decided to move on from tradition, unlike the families in the neighbourhood, but he’s never been allowed to really come in contact with this world. They’ll occasionally go shopping for ingredients instead of getting them hand-picked, but Tetsurou’s not allowed to go out with the servants.

He thinks about how Kenma is allowed to go out, and maybe, just maybe, when they get married they’ll be able to go outside together. When Tetsurou is deemed an adult and can leave the neighbourhood.

_ Marriage, _ Tetsurou suddenly thinks. Kenma’s supposed to find out about it in a few months, and then marry Tetsurou a year after that.

He thinks about Kenma’s secret smiles, that only he can detect. He thinks about how Kenma lets his hair cover his face when he’s embarrassed or shy. He thinks about Kenma’s golden, cat-like eyes that always see right through people. Kenma’s pink little mouth and how he bites his lip when he’s concentrating on something. Everything about Kenma is amazing, and Tetsurou loves it all.

He’ll do anything to make their marriage a happy one for Kenma.

* * *

 

Kenma finally turns seventeen. It’s on the sixteenth of October, and both Tetsurou and Kenma’s families get together at Kenma’s house. Kenma looks confused when he’s called downstairs and sees them all sitting politely. He quietly sits beside his family.

Tetsurou gulps, staring right at Kenma. This is the day. He’s waited eight years for Kenma to find out. Tetsurou is so nervous, his hands are shaking in the sleeves of his haori.

“Good afternoon, Kenma-kun,” Tetsurou’s mother greets, smile on her face.

“Hello, ma’am.” Kenma nods.

“Kenma, sweetie, it’s time we told you about your arranged marriage,” says Kenma’s mother, gesturing towards Tetsurou. 

Tetsurou’s breath freezes in his throat when Kenma looks at him with wide eyes.

“Kuro?” Kenma asks, his voice small.

“Yes,” Kenma’s father says. “We decided you’d marry Tetsurou-kun when you turn eighteen.”

“Did you know about this?” Kenma asks right at Tetsurou, ignoring his father.

Tetsurou can only nod.

He sees tears in Kenma’s eyes.

He sees Kenma run out of the room.

His heart sinks.

“He’ll come around,” Kenma’s father reassured him. “Just give him time.”

“I thought he’d be happy about it,” says Kenma’s mother. “I could’ve sworn he’s had a crush on you since forever.”

That doesn’t make Tetsurou feel any better. Kenma didn’t want a marriage with him. He didn’t want  _ Tetsurou _ . He shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long, should’ve told Kenma in private. At least then Kenma would’ve been expecting it like Tetsurou had.

“Tetsurou.” His mother puts a hand on his arm. “I think you should go find him.”

Tetsurou doesn’t nod nor shake his head. He just stands up shakily and leaves the room.

He knows Kenma’s house like the back of his hand. He knows all of Kenma’s hiding spots and comfort areas. He’s been to Kenma’s house so many times he’s memorized all of it. He knows that Kenma is probably hiding in the garden.

Tetsurou walks there on shaking legs, trying to calm his breathing on the way. It doesn’t help much, but usually Kenma is there when he’s anxious. He’s so dependant on Kenma, and he knows it’s not healthy, but he does the same for Kenma. They’re always there for each other, and the thought of losing that--of losing Kenma--stirs up more anxiety within Tetsurou.

Kenma is there, sitting on the deck at the entrance to the garden. His head is in his hands, elbows on his knees. Tetsurou feels a pang deep in his heart.

Neither of them say anything. Tetsurou sits down beside Kenma silently. The quiet hurts, but he’ll only speak when Kenma is ready.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kenma asks after a while. Tetsurou feels shivers down his back.

“Mom told me not to,” he says. He regrets keeping it a secret now, but he was a child when he was informed of their marriage. Secrets were supposed to feel fun and exciting back then, not guilty like it feels now. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Tetsurou says. “Yeah, I--uh…”

“Do you want to marry me?” Kenma looks at Tetsurou, his face calm but Tetsurou knows. Knows that under that facade he is as scared as Tetsurou. “Did you only stick around me because we were supposed to get married?”

“Yes. Uh, I mean--no? I mean,” Tetsurou stutters. His heart is beating rapidly and he knows he’s fucking things up. “I… I’m in love with you, and, uh--I mean--I’m alright with staying as friends, even if we’re, uh, married...It’s up to you, really.

“No pressure, or anything!” Tetsurou reassures, holding his hands up. “We can stay the same, if you want. I just want you to be happy.”

Kenma looks ready to cry again. His eyebrows are furrowed, eyes squinting, trying to hold back tears, and his mouth is in a forced line.

“Shit, shit,” Tetsurou curses, instinctively pulling Kenma into a hug. It’s reflex to do so whenever the other isn’t feeling well. “I’m sorry, Kenma. I should’ve told you. I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Kenma mutters into his haori, pulling him closer and burying his face deeper into Tetsurou’s chest. “You should’ve told me, though.”

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, Kenma.” And now Tetsurou can feel tears pricking at his eyes. He doesn’t want their friendship to be deterred by marriage. He’ll do anything he can for Kenma to be happy.

“Don’t be sorry. You should’ve told me you love me,” Kenma says. 

“I love you so much, Kenma,” Tetsurou repeats, tightening his arms around Kenma. He feels Kenma do the same.

“I love you, too,” Kenma says, and Tetsurou’s heart skips a beat. Kenma loves him back.

“Like, love me like--as in--like good with marriage? Love-love me?” Tetsurou stumbles over his words, pulling back from the hug.

Kenma’s tiny smile is fond and affectionate as he stares up at Tetsurou. 

“Yeah, I love-love you,” he says, in that signature subtly sassy Kenma way.

“Really?” 

“Really.”

“So you’ll marry me?” Tetsurou asks. “If you’re okay with that, I mean.”

Kenma nods, and it’s enough to put a grin on Tetsurou’s face and accelerate his heartbeat. Without a thought, he kisses Kenma, and, surprisingly, Kenma kisses back.

In this moment, Tetsurou is so happy. He knows he’ll continue being happy the rest of his life, because Kenma is there.

**Author's Note:**

> not happy with how rushed it feels but oh well right lmao  
> http://sugarplumking.tumblr.com/  
> https://twitter.com/sugarplumking


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